A big change in the world

Hey Damo, I just wanted to say thanks for how much you and Diversity have done for me in the past year – I think I’ve come so far. I have such confidence, self-respect and understanding of myself, it’s amazing, I don’t think I’d be the way I am now if it weren’t for you guys.

Growing up I never felt right being a girl, I didn’t understand why I had to be a girl when I was exactly the same as my brother. I felt the same, wanted to dress the same and act the same. But just like any other kid bought up to be the gender I was assigned with, I’ve always been too scared to wear what I’m comfortable in, or look the way I felt was right.

Since Diversity Group I’ve started to be not just confident in my sexuality, but my gender identity too. I can now finally dress the way I want to almost all the time and feel as comfortable, normal and as happy as ever. My girlfriend even got through the effort of calling me Jack, and her boyfriend.

Just wanted to say thanks and remind you what you all do makes a big change in the world, one person at a time. 🙂 I get a lot from the things we do and the people we get to be around, I’ve learnt there’s so many more people like me in the world and that it’s okay to be who you truly are. Jack Clark, Cobram, 16 years old.

Damien Stevens (Damo!) works with same-sex attracted, sex and gender diverse (SSASGD) young people in and around Shepparton, a regional centre about two and half hours from Melbourne. Damien – as the young person above so clearly demonstrates – is making a big change in the world.

I travelled up to Shepparton with Australian Equality Party (AEP) Leader, Jason Tuazon McCheyne and fellow member Nathan Despott as part of our on-going consultation process. We wanted to find out more about the issues facing SSASGD young people in rural and regional areas and about the work Damien is doing.

Damien and Nathan went to the same all boys’ Catholic high school and no prizes for guessing it wasn’t a great experience for either of them, but both have been able to turn that very tough – and potentially destructive experience – into something positive and life-affirming. As Damien says: Having a personal/lived experience of how hard it can be growing up ‘different’, and being able to do something about it now that I have the strength, pride and resilience to do so, keeps me laser focussed.

Damien oversees the Diversity Project, a fantastic program that’s now in its fifteenth year. Every fortnight SSASGD and questioning young people – aged between 12-25 – get together to cook, talk and socialise. They prepare and share a meal, discuss problems and listen to guest speakers. It’s a safe and supportive environment and a critically important space for young people at a time when they are most vulnerable; I’ve no doubt the project has saved lives in those fifteen years.

When it started, the kids used to meet in a local church hall so they could be vague about their whereabouts and – if confronted by their parents – could manufacture a plausible explanation. These days, most of the kids’ parents know where they are, and some parents even call Damien to ask how they can get their son or daughter to attend.

Once Damien hit thirty, the group decided he was too old to be running the show and started organising things themselves. Now, he oversees the project, helps out with speakers and makes sure they have everything they need. The young people involved tell some fantastic stories about their lives in the Think about it Project.

Damien describes some of the work he does in high schools and, to be honest, I’m amazed at what he tells us; you have to remember this is not inner Melbourne or Sydney, but a regional centre a long way from any big city.

He regularly runs inclusive sexuality education, primarily with Years 9 and 10. He begins by dividing the students into two groups and identifying half as straight and half as LGBT. He asks a series of questions that start to engender an understanding of discrimination and homophobia, and which lead to a discussion about bullying and its impact. He uses this image of The Genderbread Person, which I hadn’t seen before, but think is great.

I explain that we are all human beings, says Damien, with our own unique gender identity, gender expression, biological sex and sexual orientation. All of us are amazing and special the way we are and need to be valued, respected and celebrated.

He starts to explore the questions raised by the Genderbread Person and outlines the consequences of all this for some young people. He shares statistics about suicide and self-harm, explains how ‘that’s so gay’ does real damage, and has Diversity Group brochures close to hand.

As Damien is describing all this, I’m wondering whether anything like it takes place at Kew High School, where my son is heading next year, or at any other school in inner Melbourne, and I reckon not. Damien also trains teachers and works with schools that want to be part of the Safe Schools Coalition and one of these schools, Wanganui, recently took part in Wear it Purple Day. And one of its staff, Rick Connors, made an awesome video for the It gets better campaign.

Damien also convenes the Out in the Open festival, supports Goulburn Valley Pride: and is the voice of the LGBTIQ community on a number of groups and committees. To be honest, I don’t think there’s much he doesn’t do.

So what are the most important issues for SSASGD young people in rural and regional areas? I asked him. The young people I work with say these are the main barriers for them, in order of biggest to smallest.

Attitudes of professionals and people in the community: embarrassment, fear of, or shame from, family and community.
Access to services: counselling and support with privacy and respect, doctors for contraception/condoms.
Lack of privacy: receptionists, supermarket staff and workers who know the young people.
Information: lack of current information and education in schools about sexual health and relationships.
Cost: doctors’ appointments, contraception, pregnancy testing, scripts.
Travel: lack of regular, reliable and affordable transport to access services.

I was surprised travel came last, explains Damien, considering we have young people travelling up to sixty minutes to attend the group, but we often have families that car pool and in some instances a worker will pick them up, and send them home on the last bus. We find a way and so do they!

Right now I’m doing a Fellowship with Australian Progress for leaders in civil society who are bringing about social change. I can think of no better example of someone effecting social change in such a hugely significant way. Growing up SSASGD in the country is tough, but maybe just a little less tough in and around Shepparton right now.

Thanks Damien for making a small part of the country a kinder and safer place for the LGBTIQ community, and especially for all those SSASGD young people.

Jacqui Tomlins